It is hard to pinpoint when exactly along my life my awakening began. As I look retrospectively and contemplate the experiences I have had until now through the awareness I hold today, I can see a perfect orchestration of events all designed to nudge me away from a life path that was not my own. I can now recognize how every single circumstance that presented itself on my path, even if perceived then as utterly negative and appallingly and pointlessly painful, had a precise purpose within the gran scheme of my own awakening. Heartbreaks, illnesses, accidents, abuses, betrayals, abandonments, failures, rejections, separations, deaths, scarcity, together with joys, successes, promotions, abundance, and myriad other contractive and expansive states, have been divinely woven to guide me into alignment with my Inner Being, and my deepest truth and purpose.

They have pushed me out of comfort zones, constantly inviting me to release attachments and false beliefs about myself, about womanhood, and about love, life and reality. They have shattered the false sense of self I had developed out of survival, adaptation, and conditioning. They have dissolved the illusions that clouded my vision and opened me up to a clear perception of myself, the world, and others. They have gradually dismantled the complex system of defenses I had developed to protect myself from my own emotions and deep shadows.

With awe I now acknowledge the wisdom inherent in life itself, and can appreciate the timely unfoldment of events, all playing out for me to awaken to Life, to Presence, to my most authentic expression of Being. However, the inner and outer turbulence I experienced for many years was overwhelming, debilitating and disorienting.

It is hard to pinpoint when exactly along my life my awakening began. As I look retrospectively and contemplate the experiences I have had until now through the awareness I hold today, I can see a perfect orchestration of events all designed to nudge me away from a life path that was not my own.

I can now recognize how every single circumstance that presented itself on my path, even if perceived then as utterly negative and appallingly and pointlessly painful, had a precise purpose within the gran scheme of my own awakening.

Heartbreaks, illnesses, accidents, abuses, betrayals, abandonments, failures, rejections, separations, deaths, scarcity, together with joys, successes, promotions, abundance, and myriad other contractive and expansive states, have been divinely woven to guide me into alignment with my Inner Being, and my deepest truth and purpose. They have pushed me out of comfort zones, constantly inviting me to release attachments and false beliefs about myself, about womanhood, and about love, life and reality. They have shattered the false sense of self I had developed out of survival, adaptation, and conditioning. They have dissolved the illusions that clouded my vision and opened me up to a clear perception of myself, the world, and others. They have gradually dismantled the complex system of defenses I had developed to protect myself from my own emotions and deep shadows.

With awe I now acknowledge the wisdom inherent in life itself, and can appreciate the timely unfoldment of events, all playing out for me to awaken to Life, to Presence, to my most authentic expression of Being. However, the inner and outer turbulence I experienced for many years was overwhelming, debilitating and disorienting.

I started receiving intuitive information very early in life but didn’t have the awareness of it until age 18, when via dreams, I knew I had to visit a doctor. This led to a biopsy and two days later to the operation table. This established a confirmation and trust in my intuition that strengthened through time. Anorexia was a great teacher on perception, because it taught me that what my senses perceived was not an accurate reading of reality. I understood I could not trust or rely on the reality assessment that my own senses offered. The confusion and challenges regarding my sexuality served as a doorway into deep healing, an initiation into the understanding of energy dynamics, and the relationship between sexual energy and spiritual evolution. A self-shattering breakup together with my parents’ divorce started dismantling the idea of love I had. Regardless of the pain and family challenges we experienced for many years, I’m extremely grateful to have had this illusion shattered so I could be opened up to a higher understanding of love and life.

By age 24, my mind and body no longer felt like a safe place to be. I was very anxious all the time, my mind was racing uncontrollably, jumping from thought to thought to thought. I felt panicky, mentally hyperactive and physically restless, and hardly slept. I had extreme difficulty being present and my attention was fragmented and scattered. This wildly jumbled mind controlled my body and me; we were puppets of a jumpy, frantic, escapist, outwardly-directed, chaotic mind. I had a loud wake-up call when I started having thoughts of suicide. Even though the thoughts were incessant and I would catch myself recurrently thinking about how to do this, I didn’t really feel like I wanted to kill myself. Little did I know then that suicide ideation is a symptom of spiritual awakening, a misdirected desire to want to die to the false conditioned personality, and be reborn into one’s True Nature.

This, together with a chain of car accidents, my very messy inner world, and my inability to move through life, work and relationships with ease and without excessive suffering, felt as a call to heal, an invitation to begin my healing process and the gradual uncovering of my True Self. An interest in all things spiritual began developing within me. I started reading about Buddhism, Hinduism, Shamanism, and different takes on the mind. I began being guided intuitively to psychospiritual healing, entheogenic explorations, meditation, and deep psyche work. I started questioning concepts like ‘freedom’, ‘happiness’ and ‘love’, and was constantly asking myself who I was, what life was about, and what suffering really was.

After an Enneagram reading, I ended up enrolling in a course on inner transformation where I was introduced to transpersonal psychology, holotropic breathwork, family constellations, conscious movement, spiritual sexuality, and alternative healing modalities. This all felt like a deep thirst was just starting to be quenched.

Parallel to the gradual deepening into my inner dimensions, my career as a lawyer was picking up. Working for the Colombian government at different levels and in the sphere of international politics and social development were exactly what my soul needed to evolve, I later realized.

By the age of 27, I was feeling lost, depressed, burnt out and utterly disappointed at ‘how the world worked’. All my professional experiences, some expansive and joyful, others painful and discouraging, seemed to have a common purpose: to shatter my desire to ‘change the world’. I had hit the iron wall of “the system”, and the fuel to change the world and help others that drove me and with which I identified, was drying up.

On a cold and rainy Bogotá November night, I stumbled upon Ghandi’s biography. His widely known quote, “Be the change you want to see in the world” hit me like a dart. I became aware that I was preaching change, promoting change, making efforts to instigate change, yet was not being the change.

It was as if my higher self was saying, “your path from now on will be to be the change”. It then became clear that I needed to let go of my career, of the life I had built so far, and go to India. This was just the beginning of the shattering of the ‘me’ that I had created to survive and succeed in the homogenizing human world; the initial stages of the crumbling of the identities and self-images I had mentally created to give myself a ‘sense of self’. This stepping into the void of not knowing who I was, where I was going in life, or what to do, although extremely frightening and uncomfortable, created a space sufficient for me to start listening to the clear guidance I was receiving from my spiritual guides and Inner Being.

In India, in meditation during a Yoga Teacher’s Training Course, I received the message, “Do not fight the darkness nor want to transform the darkness into light. Just be the light”. I was receiving Ghandi’s invitation once more: learn to BE (or unbecome). The message was clear: my contribution to humanity was Being, for which I first had to die to what I was not, to the Not Self I had mentally developed as a product of survival, conditioning and homogenization.

A magnificent journey of inquiry and self-discovery had begun, and I felt for the first time I was stepping into the path I was meant to walk: not the scripted socially-approved pre-paved path I was on, but my own unique unchartered path. I started connecting to an ever-increasing yearning for truth that could never be silenced regardless my innumerable efforts to do so. A very strong force within awoke that never allowed me to settle into anything that didn’t feel aligned with my essence. My longing to know more about the psyche, what it really means to be human beyond what we’ve been told, what a real woman is from the cosmic perspective, and my keen interest to learn about the psychology of spiritual development, led me to pursue a Masters Degree in East-West Psychology in California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco.

In 2012 I underwent a spontaneous Kundalini awakening that is still unfolding. Most known literary accounts on the Kundalini process, especially of Indian yoguis, describe it as a blissful and pleasurable experience of merging one’s consciousness with the One Universal Consciousness. They describe it as the ultimate ecstatic human experience. For me, especially the initial stages of the awakening of this powerful force within me were utterly terrifying. My experience was nothing close to blissful, as it resembled a psychotic break (now termed Kundalini Psychosis). I spent weeks in bed, without being able to eat, talk or move much, with an incomprehensible aversion to the energy of others, and with the need to have my eyes permanently covered because I couldn’t take light in.

My solar plexus felt like a rock, my heart fluttered in desperate fear, my sacrum was in excruciating pain, and my body temperature oscillated from extreme heat to intense cold. All the survival alarms of my body were simultaneously fired, and my mind offered me terrifying scenarios of death or insanity. For many months to follow my mental state was one of uncontrollable fear, panic and paranoia; I was immersed in a permanent state of overwhelming confusion and dreadful disorientation that no words could ever capture or accurately convey.

Although I had read about Kundalini, nothing I had encountered seemed useful or supportive of what I was going through. I felt awfully alone and abysmally lost and uncomprehended, regardless of the loving support I received from my then-partner, my friends, and my family.

For many months I existed in a devastating state of fear of either going crazy and being locked up in a psych ward forever, or of dying. Deep down I knew I was going through something of a spiritual nature that had to be allowed to unfold and that I had to surrender to it and not fight against it nor try to stop it.

That was the beginning of a long period of radical physical, mental, emotional and spiritual transformations (see Transmutational Symptoms), and the initial stages of the death of who I thought I was and the slow and gradual reemergence and embodiment of (my) Essential Self. It was also the beginning of my awareness of and conscious participation in the never-ending process of Spiritual Ascension and universal expansion.

Throughout these years, I have been intuitively receiving information and tools about how to understand and navigate this evolutionary bio-spiritual process. The direct experience of transmutation and its array of mental, emotional, physical, energetic and spiritual phenomena, have given me the ability to support others on their own transmutational journey and death-rebirth process.

I am here to assist the evolution of the planet and to guide and support the human race in this crucial time of transition and consciousness shift. It is my highest calling to support individual and collective metamorphosis by sharing the information I have been receiving while undergoing such a fundamental, deep and life-altering mental, emotional, physical and spiritual transmutation.

It is from a place of deep love for all humans and Mother Earth that I offer my heart. May my path serve as a light on your own path.

STAY CONNECTED

Join the mailing list to receive a monthly newsletter and be informed about upcoming events, workshops, books and videos.

Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Cookie Policy
© 2024 Psychotransmutation . All Rights Reserved.